I know my friends that are still in really miss me....I also know that they do sometimes cross the line and come over and go for coffee, to the movies or out shopping with me...I view all of this as positive and I dont give up on them as long as we keep the mutual respect...no discussions on jw stuff. Who knows what may happen?
chicken little
JoinedPosts by chicken little
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49
Need advice, they are trying to suck me in!
by Searchinggal ini am hoping you can help me.
i have a very dear friend of over 20 years, who was brought up jw.
our children are friends and we have vacationed and been like sisters all these years.
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49
Need advice, they are trying to suck me in!
by Searchinggal ini am hoping you can help me.
i have a very dear friend of over 20 years, who was brought up jw.
our children are friends and we have vacationed and been like sisters all these years.
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chicken little
Hej searchinggirl,
No easy anwser to this one. Mutual respect is just about the only way to make a go of it. You both express your desire to maintain a friendship, but there would have to be "rules", no discussing of religion or bringing it into the conversation to make the other person feel uncomfortable. My dear friend stopped as a witness 14 years before I did. I wanted to keep her as a friend and I did. She was fantastic and NEVER expressed critic of my beliefs. I in return never gave her a guilt trip, we kept to our friendship through thick and thin. She was overjoyed two years ago when I told her I was leaving the JWs for good.
So ask your friend straight out if she wants to continue the friendship on those terms. If the anwser is no, then I dont see any other way than for you both to part for the time being. When you have "studied" as you have for eight months you are well on your way to having the witness mindset imprinted on your lifestyle...that is not healthy and if you keep being exposed to it you will find yourself in a very uncomfortable place, as you even now are experiencing.
Hope you can keep your friend, I know how you feel. Now I am out I have 2 friends I try to keep contact with. I do not respond to any information about the meetings , mags, assemblies etc, other than saying I hope they had a nice time. I then change the subject to something else, family, work, food anything. I also make sure I talk about how happy I am and busy (I do a lot of volunteer work now). I hope you can try this and see if it works for you.
Kind regards
Chicken little
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44
What to do when your parents are toxic?
by Paralipomenon infrom reading people's stories and life experiences i thought i'd poll the members here for some advice.
my inlaws are extremely toxic.
i know, every person says that about their inlaws, but the way they treat their family is absolutely horrible.
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chicken little
Strange how an old thread can be so actual. I started therapy 6 weeks ago to deal with problems in my relationship with my husband due to toxic parenting. Even after both my parents are dead I still react at times as if I hear their voice coming from my husband. It takes training to be the child/adult and cope with the feelings that rush up when you are so vunerable. When I read your original thread I saw myself 100%. My husband was also dismayed to see his intelligent wife revert to a child whenever we visited my parents.
I would clean their house, shop, by them presents anything for some form of recognition...never love...I knew that was out of the question. I would even tell my husband where he could sit or not...my fathers chair was out of the question. If he tried to get me to question my behaviour I would feel intense anxiety. I was often ill for 6 weeks after a visit to their place.
I am having NLT therapy to try to unite the child/adult to cope with the negative input. It was very interesting when I was asked where I felt myself as a grown women...I pointed to my stomach. When asked where I felt the child, my hand flew up to my throat and I couldnt say the word.
It was most interesting as I have always been articulate in most situations except when I am in conflict with my husband that triggers the child to react. I go completely quiet, silence, for as long as it takes. It was a protective action that worked for me as a child as they could not get into my mind. It is not very productive as a grown woman, but unfortunatly one of the first responces that the brain uses as it worked then.
I believe that my cutting off all contact with my parents saved my life, I was so depressed and suicidal. Yet even so there are after effects from such an action which many would consider too drastic. My husband knows that I do not believe he is my father or that he would ever treat me as he did, yet he does not understand that his reaction to me at times triggers negative memories deep down that then take over the show.
The therapy helps....so if anyone else is in this situation...give it a try. If you dont have the money...get books...join a self help group.
Chicken little
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20
a chick emailed me.........
by asilentone ina chick emailed me, she said "if anything, i will see you next week".
what does "if anything" mean?.
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chicken little
If anything, it wasnt me....chicken little
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141
JWs & Atheists - Great (Cultic) Minds Think Alike
by Perry injws & atheists - great (cultic) minds think alike.
in the jehovahs witness religion, there is a ceremony known in those circles as the memorial of christs death, or just the memorial for short.
it is claimed and believed among members that jehovahs witnesses observe the exact same ceremony that is more widely known as the lords supper among christians.
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chicken little
Christians = honest, loving, moral, reliable, peaceloving etc. etc. etc.????
Athiests = evil, dishonest, warmaking, immoral, hateful etc.etc.????
Seeing as true out of the cupboard athiesm is kind of young.....its difficult to judge its track record. But this I do know only from personal experience, athiests who declare they are such, tend to be very much in touch with what is going on in the world and often involved in humane projects.
Christianity and its track record....we dont really want to go there do we?
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Saw Danish Worlds Apart movie, have questions
by jws ini just watched the danish film "worlds apart" last night.
it's the story of a jw girl who falls in love with a "worldly" boy and all of the problems in her life.
and if anybody wants to see it, it's on the independent film channel on-demand.
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chicken little
Hej,
I live in Denmark. Beards no problem usually. Longish hair..no problem, usually. Jeans on service if you are young..no problem usually, you may get told off. Sisters wear trousers here on service.
All servants have been instructed to greet people coming in and out of the Khalls, usually there is an official welcomer who gets the job.
Been to funerals with the casket in the Khall.
We have a large outside assembly site in Silkeborg (google it, Jehovas Vidner Stævn Silkeborg). Recently they have partially covered some of it as it was a nightmare in the cold windy summers we have here. The set up was more primitive on the film but gives an idea for the public.
Having your child disfellowshipped is not automatically removal from being an elder, especially if the child is not living at home. The father could well have been made an elder after she is thrown out to show how loyal he is to the org. It was probably condensed to keep the story line.
This movie was seen by over 350,000 in Denmark...that is alot for a little country.
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chicken little
Hello to you too.....hope you overcome your first time user nerves....I had them for a while!
Love chicken little
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Have you tried volunteer work since leaving the dubs?
by yadda yadda 2 ini have been feeling urges to try some volunteer work, to do something with my time to help those less privileged than me.
since i left the jw's, which was quite a few years ago (faded), i've always felt something missing in terms of mingling with a group of people and doing something of a volunteer/charitable nature for others (that's not to say jws do anything charitable really, although some people have been helped to clean up their lives through joining their religion).
i think it would be tremendously fulfilling to try some volunteer work to fill the vacuum of wanting to do kind things for others, something altruistic.
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chicken little
Hej Yadda yadda 2,
I have found that working with women and children in crisis homes extremely rewarding...I help and give what I can..somedays we go for trips to the library with the kids other days we make food for over 40 and have a great time. I come home feeling I have given without any strings attached. That is such a good feeling as I often felt bad as a witness that I was supposed to help only if they progressed and came to meetings etc. It is funny that now I can switch off the witness feelers...and just give love and support and not worry about the response.
I am helping one victim of violence and her 4 small children, I shudder to think of what would have been expected of her if she became interested in the witnesses or they found her....
Find a local charity and start there...pebbles in the pond...spread ripples...you never know where it may end.
Love Chicken little
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20
First century governing body?
by lostsheep82 inmy anointed step dad always mentions about how the first century christians had a governing body also.
where in the bible does it actually say that?
to me governing body is just a dictatorship of men who think they are right and can control, no different than the governments....governing body set rules, and ultimately decide your future as far as i'm concerned.
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chicken little
Soooooooooooo. What happened to the so called governing body after the destruction of Jerusalem? Any ideas? The society keep quiet about that.
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Dad passed away...
by jws inmy father passed away last week.
it was not a sudden thing.
he was in his eighties and declining in health every time i saw him.
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chicken little
So sorry for your loss and for your childrens loss....it is understandable that you have such mixed feelings.
I have a garden were I have planted some lovely flower, rose bushes....these I view as my relatives...the birds that visit also. I find it soothing and makes me happy to think of them.
Much love
Chicken Little and family